Self Reliance is possible

Raising an autistic adult child has been such a learning experience, it has had its trying times, we have ups and downs, good and bad days, and days we celebrate when a goal is met with courage. We face each day with new hope and fresh eyes as we venture through our son's world. We laugh, we hug, cry, and yes even on really bad days we yell. We understand that there are many challenges ahead and our number one goal is to provide our son with his independence. As an adult, he realizes his differences, and at times that can be disappointing to him. Some days he feels defeated, and hopeless but then there are days when he surprises us by facing his challenges head-on. As parents, it can be an emotional roller coaster, but the moment we step out of our feelings and into his shoes we can then begin to be the support system he needs the way he needs. He is a joy in our life, to say I wouldn't change a thing if I had to do it all over again is a pretty sentiment but not true. There is plenty I would do differently, the only thing that would stay the same is my undying love and commitment to raising such a special son. I hope what I have learned so far can encourage and support you as you pave your own road. 

Teach The Basics
It is extremely important that your child learn basic self-care.

. Laundry- Teach washing and folding by making a visual washing chart that has an amount of laundry soap to use in accordance with the size of the load, how to separate colors, and how much to load the washer and dryer.

. Brushing teeth/flossing- This one can prove to be more difficult as a lot of autistic individuals have sensory issues. I recommend using soft bristle toothbrushes or investing in a water flosser, start a mouthwash routine especially if you have a protesting anti-brusher. You may want to create a bi-weekly flossing routine that includes visual cues.

. Combing hair- My son has really bad sensory issues and doesn't like anything touching his head so instead of giving him a difficult hairstyle that requires combing, he opts for a short basic cut. If your child has a certain hairstyle they prefer try buying soft bristle brushes or use combs, as those tend to not pull at the hair. You may want to invest in alcohol-free stylers so they wash off easily and quickly.

. Showering- Again this can prove difficult with those who have sensory issues, what we did to make this as painless as possible was buy a shower splash guard. These are typically used for infants and toddlers but have been a blessing for my son. You can find these guards here Splash guard. Make sure and put it away in a cabinet when company is over this will prevent embarrassing your child. We also buy the same brand and scent shampoo every time, our son doesn't like change and he can be quite stubborn when it comes to keeping to the same products. When it comes to his face-washing routine we have a stack of washcloths under the sink that he uses after he gets out of the shower. He doesn't like water hitting him directly in the face so the washcloths prevent the fight with a solution we both agree on. Acne has sometimes been an issue so when that happens I use a solution of apple cider vinegar and water that you measure in two. My son uses a cotton ball because it is soft, he soaks it and applies it all over his face with no rinsing. The next day his skin is clean and clear. 

Counting Money
Learning to count money allows your child to build confidence when making his own purchases.  Having a basic knowledge of the exchange process can lead to self-confidence and independence. Here are some tips on how to teach about currency.

. Purchase fake money- Amazon sells kits that look pretty darn close to real money. You can do purchase scenarios where they have to count out the exact amount owed, or how to count out change. You can go to this link Fake money to purchase the kit I have. Use creative play and make it a fun nonstressful lesson.

. Calculator- Teach your child how to use a calculator or how to retrieve a calculator app on their phone. My son uses his all the time to balance his checking account or to check how much all his items will cost before he gets to checkout. He uses it when he is trying to figure out basic math in real-life situations, such as how much money to spend on each family member for Christmas as an example.

. Play- Do mock purchase scenarios so your child can feel confident when doing their own shopping. We are working really hard right now with our son in his purchasing confidence. He still gets very overwhelmed when he shops, he feels anxious with people around and gets nervous handing the cashier money. By doing mock purchases we can tackle all the anxieties.  


Chores 
. Chore Charts- Create chore charts that are interactive, and use different color pens as this can help them break things down into categories. Let your child be involved in coming up with a plan that will work for him/her. Have a list of daily chores such as taking out the trash, pulling weeds, cleaning up the bathroom, tidying up their room, vacuuming, dusting, sweeping, or moping. There is a plethora of small chores that can be given out every day so get creative.

Shopping 
. Sit with your child and have them create a shopping list, this will help build a personalized pantry of items they are able to cook and prepare. Independence in the kitchen will help them feel self-sufficient and help give them a break. Please use plenty of caution to prevent injury while cooking or using utensils, you may need to supervise for a while until you and your child feel confident.

. When at the store teach your child how to read the aisle descriptions by number and category. Do test runs that have them retrieve an item you need while you wait at the end of the aisle. This may need to be worked on for a while,  if your child is anything like mine they may have separation anxiety, social anxiety, or fear of getting lost. 

 I hope this compilation helps you in preparing your adult child for self-sufficiency.  Remember to be patient, get creative, be consistent, and keep in mind that no two autistic children are the same. Some things I have recommended may not be a perfect fit for your child but I hope this has given you ideas for creating steps closer to independence. Let them advocate for their preferences, give them a voice and let them take part in deciding their future. And That's the "Heart Of The Matter".