Living With Fibroids

Tears, Yelling, Aggressive Stemming, Hitting, Biting do any of these sound familiar? Who or What is the culprit you ask? CHANGE! yes, change can lead to these behaviors in those with Autism. When writing this I stopped to ask my son about specific triggers and emotions that go with them, he was more than happy to talk about this as he feels it helps people in understanding him rather than judge him. This will be broken down into a couple categories one will be types of triggers and the emotions that are brought on by them, and next will be coping strategies that may help your loved one get through these difficult times. The below triggers and reactions are specific to my son, Yours may look different and that is ok, as a community we can all share our personal stories and learn something new along the way.

Changing the Look of a Bedroom

On several occasions, we have had to change the look of our son's room whether for new furniture or to make more space. Each time it brought on anxiety and he felt like he had lost control, as he explains it all his belongings are strategically placed according to his comfort and that makes sense as a flowing system. Once things have to be moved he has the sense that now he will have to re-learn his flow all over again and get used to the spaces that are newly exposed, such as more flooring that now shows or part of the wall that is blank, it can also be how his furniture is facing. He will try to mimic almost exactly what it looked like prior, but if he can't accomplish that he will get extremely agitated and angry, he will begin stemming, and usually, it is followed up by crying because it was too much to handle. It is extremely important to be sensitive to his reactions we never want to make him feel invalidated.

Moving to A New Home

Since our son has been born we have had to move several times, it is a very stressful time for us all because for us, we know that we are going to have to redirect him all day and be the brunt of his outburst, and for him, because he has to relearn a whole new routine. When asked about what he felt while moving, he said "fear, anger, anxiety, and depression".  He gets anxious because he won't be used to the smells and sights that he has been accustomed to and it becomes a sensory overload. Anger begins to brew as he has to redo sensory challenges, which is very stressful and time-consuming. He said he feels fear once he begins thinking of the new neighbors and hoping they will like him and won't make fun of him or misunderstand him, building relationships can be very difficult for him so when having to be around new people it automatically is assumed they are hurtful and cruel. Lastly the depression, I believe this happens as a result of his mind being so exhausted and having so many emotions run through that by several days he is at his end. It is very important that as a parent or caregivers, we always address depression. If ignored it can lead to severe depression and it will be extremely difficult to pull them out which can be dangerous for them.

New Program or New Workers

Although it is important to keep the same programs and ABA workers things happen and people move on. My son has had to get used to three different workers and about eight different programs throughout his lifetime, not so bad when you think of his age of twenty-three. Some of the emotions that he goes through are worry and anxiety. The worry is due to the idea that he thinks they may not like him or vice versa, he struggles with different personalities and how to read body language so it is challenging getting to know them. Anxiety comes in when having to adjust to the new routine changes, new hours of operation, new expectations, and the worry of being compatible, it is scary and overwhelming for him. 

Plans or Schedule

I saved this one for last because this one doesn't have such a big effect as the above circumstances, mainly because he is a homebody. However, on the rare times he has made plans that didn't seem to work out, he would get angry mainly because he was looking forward to the event and felt disappointed, which doesn't last long. Below will be some coping strategies that assist him during some of these difficult triggers.

Coping Strategies

1. Stemming- This is a coping mechanism most often used by my son it helps his brain reorganize his thought process and work out his triggers without yelling or hitting things, this gives him time to calm down and regulate his emotions. Most often used as a daily coping skill as he has learned how to turn to this as a first course of action when before it used to be his last resort skill. Stemming can look different for each individual for Isaiah it can be rocking back and forth, swaying, walking back and forth, walking around the table or kitchen over and over again all accompanied by his headphones connected to his phone for music.

2. Man to Remove - A difficult skill that took Isaiah a long time to get used to, as it calls for him to remove himself from a trigger to calm himself down before continuing with a conversation or disagreement. When things get a bit elevated we will have to remind him that he needs to remove himself by either going on a walk or going to a different room to calm down. Although it is difficult, it works like a charm and has allowed us to reconvene calmly so he can clearly express what he is feeling or concerned about, which helps us better assist him.

3. Humming and Music- Since my son was very young music has been his saving grace, he has owned the same brand of headphones since he was a pre-teen. He also always carries his cell phone and or his voice recorder which has also been the same brand for years, once it breaks he buys the exact same one. Humming and music help a lot with anxiety and overstimulation, his music genres will change according to how stimulated he is and so will the volume. Although it is helpful to him it can be a bit disruptive to the public, this is when I have to focus that what he is going through is far more important than people who don't understand. I always comfort him even if at times I feel overwhelmed by glares, sighs, stares, or just rudeness. We must always remember our loved ones aren't doing this for the attention they are wired differently and they deserve the same respect and value as anyone else, don't get me wrong I have wanted to lash out at people for their ignorance but thank Jesus he always holds my tongue, it wouldn't do any justice for the situation rather, it would only further the stress he is already going through.

4. Crying or Needing Affection- Once the overstimulation or anger starts to simmer down that's when he starts coming down and sometimes he will start crying. It happens for different reasons one can be it was just too much to handle and he is tired, or it can be he feels sorrow for the yelling or lashing out he did to me and his dad. He is a sweet soul and it always breaks my heart to see his pain but it is important for me to be strong for him and allow him to have his moments. Affection, meaning hugging, rubbing my arm, squeezing my arm or hand, and patting my back can happen when he is feeling just a little anxiety or frustration, he feels comfortable in me, and touching me allows him to feel close to me and that helps him to calm down those emotions that have the potential to get worse. Sometimes his affections are just that affection like I said he is a love bug but not to everyone really just I and my husband get that type of affection, he will show love to his nieces by playing games with them and with his sister he will joke around with her or watch videos. 

5. Weighted Blanket/Heated Blanket- Temperature control is very dire to Isaiah being too cold aggravates him and puts him in a bad mood, so having his room warm and having a heating blanket help to regulate his mood. He won't wear sweaters very often or wear long sleeves as he is very particular about how the materials feel on his skin. It has to be extremely cold and rainy for him to wear a sweater and even then it has to be an all-fleece zip-up sweater only. Heat can have a negative effect on him as well but it is nothing like the cold, in summer time he only complains when he has been in direct sunlight for a long period of time because it makes him feel sick due to the medication he is on. Weighted blankets have the same effect as the heated one but only uses that one on his bed, he has a very difficult time sleeping and staying asleep the weighted blanket brings that pressure on his body to help with the anxiety and achy muscles. 

As we continue to navigate different tactics to better assist Isaiah in having as close to normal life as possible, we always are looking to our fellow families to learn from and celebrate the successes. My prayer is that we can all find a peaceful moment every day and admire the beauty of our loved ones. And that is the Heart of The Matter!